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Warnie, Kardashians, MP5s & Cosmopolitans

08 Jul

We hit Vegas on a record breaking, hot day. The temperature nudged 47 degrees and the contrast from the frigid, air conditioned hotel, to the footpaths of the strip was overwhelming. The volume of people utilising the outdoor thoroughfares, meant that it took three times longer to get to a desired destination. My eyeballs burned and watered simultaneously and my hair hung in straggly damp clumps. It was too hot to sit by the pool and so we holed up in the hotel and ironically found ourselves putting on long sleeved tops, as the air conditioning overcompensated for the outside weather extremes.
Thankfully, the temperatures dropped to around 40 degrees and it became relatively bearable. We are staying at the Venetian, which is an enormous warren of shops, restaurants, pools, clubs and casinos. We had some friends that were also staying here and so on the first night, we went into an over excited, Cosmopolitan fuelled over drive. We hit the roulette table and with a well thought out mathematical equation, attempted to win ourselves millions. We placed all bets on our birth dates and kept our fingers crossed. Being an extravagant gambler, I started my night with $20 worth of chips and surprisingly, was able to rake in a modest $100 dollar profit. The waitresses brought an endless supply of gratuitous drinks and the thick smoke combined with electronic sounds and bright lights made the evening seem somewhat surreal.. Shane Warne was playing poker, the Kardashians were hosting a pool party and I had piles of pink chips that varied in height, depending on the spin of the wheel. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, we called it a night.
Too counteract the effects of the previous night, we decided to feast at the Wynne’s world renowned buffet. (Or stuffet, as it should be more aptly called) After a small wait, we were shown to a table and let loose on a dozen food stations. Meats, sushimi, crab legs, dim sum, salads,noodles and countless desserts were amongst hundreds of fares on offer. The boys didn’t know which area to hit first and alternated between beautifully coupled delights, such as chocolate gateau and roast beef. There was no course order for them and they did their dad proud.
Robb decided to take the boys to a firing range to put some of their Call of Duty, simulated experience into a realistic context. This was not something that I was particularly enthused about and reluctantly agreed to their participation. Just prior to their departure, I found Tom in the bathroom practising his new birth date, that his loving daddy had asked him to memorise. (You needed to be 10 to participate) So, I did what many good mothers have done, and popped my head into the proverbial sand. I spent the afternoon losing my concerns in plastic shopping bags and gaining some much needed retail revenge.
They arrived back with tales of recoil, grouping and efficient marksmanship. Tom saved the best memento until last and lovingly unrolled his giant poster. He had chosen a picture of Osama Bin Laden as his target. (It was titled Osombie, and was a cross between Osama and a zombie.) I was appalled at this. The propaganda and racist connotations were alarming. The picture had Osama wearing a blood soaked turban and to me, it symbolised a collective ‘enemy’ rather than a picture of a singular terrorist. “Mum, I really want to get this framed,” he said as he proudly showcased the bullet holes that had ripped through Osama’s turban.
Moving away from MP 5s, we decided to take a helicopter trip to get an arial view of the Grand Canyon. This was an absolute highlight and in my opinion, the best way to absorb its vast area and sheer, layered depths. The sky was clear and the helicopter dipped and skimmed the canyon, affording us views and perspectives impossible from the ground. I was enthralled and then instantly distracted by the stench that filled our glass bubble. One of the beloved off spring had let out a van Toledo special, that crept into the nostrils of all on board. Boys are soooooo humiliating.
Robb decided to take us all out for an authentic American dining experience and so we found ourselves at Gillies Ranch, located at the base of the Treasure Island casino. We had to wait half an hour for a table and to kill time, the scantily dressed hostess directed us to a bar at the back of the restaurant. We pushed open the ornate saloon doors, and found ourselves in a a bizarre barn. There was a huge dance floor in its middle and old aged cowgirls and cowboys, with grey pigtails/ ponytails, wearing boots and Stetson hats were boot scooting and clapping to country tunes. To the side was a giant mechanical bull, that required signing your life away to ride. The boys begged us for a turn but thankfully, you needed to be over 18 to ride. I bought a beer from a lady dressed in black, leather bikinis, adorned with a holster, that held bottle openers and other drinking accessories. Thankfully, before I was dragged to the dance floor by a 70 year old cowboy, a table became available. The dishes were enormous and one plate (platter) could easily have fed three hungry boys. I watched Henry eat a full rack of pork ribs, tater tots (don’t ask) coleslaw and grits. This was all washed down by a mega cup of bottomless coke. I am not sure where my skinny, little 11 year old stored this mixture of fat, salt, protein and sugar but he declared it.. ‘the best dinner ever’.
Today is our last day on the strip, before we head back to LA. Oliver and Robb have headed off to visit the Pawn Stars pawn shop (from a reality tv show) and to check out old Vegas. I feel as though i have been aboard the spinning wheel of the roulette table and am well and truly ready to get off. It is a place of mixed fortunes and excesses. People will do anything to make a buck in this city. I saw one homeless man with a sign that read.. KICK ME IN THE BALLS FOR $20. Only in Vegas baby…..

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4 Comments

Posted by on July 8, 2013 in Diary

 

4 responses to “Warnie, Kardashians, MP5s & Cosmopolitans

  1. Al

    July 8, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    Entertaining as always but I have to say more than a few things in that post that are a little concerning! xx h, and please tell me what tater tots & grits are 🙂

     
    • sammygirlrox

      July 8, 2013 at 9:33 pm

      Yes, Al. Some scary revelations. Tater tots are deep fried balls of potato and cheese and grits are deep fried cornmeal. Eww x

       
  2. Anonymous

    July 9, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Will Ollie be bringing the sign back to Station Street.
    Great reading Samara ….

     
    • sammygirlrox

      July 9, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      Lol, not sure if I’d sanction that.

       

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